My grandma's Amish cookies

My grandma was (well, is) the kind of grandma who had a jar (or, more accurately, a giant, green Tupperware container with a ridged lid) of cookies on her counter for hungry little hands to place into hungry little mouths. Her standards were chocolate chip cookies and these "Amish" cookies, which are flaky, tender sugar cookies. She would use a glass to press the cookies down, leaving a starburst shape on each.

But now, it's the end of an era. Really, the era's been gone for awhile, because my grandma hasn't been baking like she used to, but now it seems the door is officially closed. My grandma has moved out of her house, which has now been sold, and her stuff has moved out as well. My mom hauled a bag of goods to my house, and this bag included two cookie stamps—one of a bunch of tulips and another of the sort of owl that was retro before it was cool. In retrospect, I wish I would've told my mom I wanted one of those glasses. The cookie stamps are nice, and since there are two of them, my older kids could do the stamping without any arguments, but they just aren't the same.

Since I'm a sucker for old-fashioned recipes, I'll reproduce it as she wrote down on a recipe card long ago. The "double it and share" suggestion always gives me a chuckle. I did exactly that the first time I made the cookies, and it was certainly a batch that was worthy of that underlined "a lot."

I did not have margarine in the house, so I used butter. They would be better with margarine, since it lends a lightness. Shortening might do this, as well, but might not have the right flavor. (But, go ahead, use butter-flavored Crisco. I won't judge.) I baked these at 350 degrees until they just barely started to brown at the edges.

My Grandma's Amish Cookies

Beat 2 eggs and set aside.
Beat 1 c. oil and 1 c. margarine, 1 c. powdered sugar, 1 c. white sugar, 1 tsp. salt, 1 tsp. vanilla, 1 tsp. soda, 1/2 tsp. cream of tartar. Add eggs and 4 1/2 c flour. Cool. Roll into balls and press with cookie stamp or sugared glass. Makes a nice sized batch. Double it and share. It makes a lot.

The logistics of twins: Part II—Breastfeeding redux

I'll be sharing some of the logistical problems and solutions we've had with twins. I'll be speaking solely from my own experience, without trying to touch on all of the many options available. Please feel free to chime in with your own experiences. Part I, which talks about our earliest days of breastfeeding, is here.

Time flies

While having two babies at the same time (plus two older kids) hasn't been quite the nightmare I expected while at my most pessimistic, it hasn't been all fun and games, either. Case in point: The babies slept oh so well as newborns. Then they turned four months old. As if on cue, sleep of a several-hour stretch became the material of the dreams I was no longer able to have because I wasn't allowed to reach REM sleep. Coupled with an inability to sleep on their own, it was pretty hairy. While I have mostly avoided being touched out, I remain an introvert, fortified by time alone, preferably time alone where I don't have to catch up on the chores that never get done anyway and that happens early enough in the evening that I am not a total zombie.

That is all to say that time has flown. The last part of this series was written almost five months ago, and things have changed quite a bit. I'm happy to report that now, at almost nine months of age, Josie and Ozzie are letting me sleep more than an hour at a time, and usually sleeping on their own for decent stretches in the evening. I feel my sanity gradually creeping back.

Some things change, some stay the same

Our basic night-time routine has not changed, although the babies have been long out of swaddling. (We stopped swaddling when I became uncomfortable with it because they started rolling everywhere, and this likely contributed to the less-than-ideal sleep experience.) Babies get diapers (disposables, as I've never had much luck with cloth for nighttime and don't have the spare cash or give-a-darn to test drive options), pajamas (several layers now that it's cold), and are tandem nursed. At this point, we've entirely ditched the nursing pillow. The babies are just too big. I did, however, enjoy the laughs provided by a baby rolling off the pillow onto the bed, snoozing away the whole time.

Without the pillow, I tend to sit on the bed with my legs spread far enough to nestle each baby into my arms in a cradle hold. Their legs are piled up onto each other and it's quite snuggly (and Josie would say too warm, as she tends to get sweaty and overheated while we do this).

When we're not doing bedtime, I tend to feed the babies one at a time. They are both very content to play with toys (or the most inappropriate objects they can find, such as the millions of bits of paper their big sister leaves in her wake). The times we tandem feed tend to be before sleep and when I come home from an outing. The basic setup tends to be me sitting on the end of the couch with two throw pillows on the other side of me for my elbow to rest in comfort, one baby in a football hold next to the couch's arm, the other in a cradle hold, and my feet up on a footstool.

For a long while, I attempted to have naptime. Imagine, getting two babies to take a nap for an hour or two while I accomplished things around the house, or spent more focused time with my bigger kids! The babies' response to that was, "Waaaaaaaah!" Instead of sequestering us in the bedroom in a vain attempt at naps, we now just nurse on the couch and they sleep on me. I enjoy the snuggles (I think they do, too), and even if my big kids are still watching TV (so they're not jumping all over us), at least I'm in the same room.

Nursing in public, then and now

Even as a seasoned breastfeeder, nursing in public has had its challenges. When the babies were tiny, nursing often and almost always tandem, it was essential to have another adult around for outings. There were plenty of times this wasn't an option; this usually resulted in lots of crying and frustration for all parties. At times, using a wrap or ring sling helped; I could hold one (sleeping, if I was lucky) while the other nursed. Most of the time I counted on getting about an hour where they'd sleep or be otherwise distracted by the scenery; after that, it was switching one baby for another for the rest of the outing, but being cooped up all the time was worse than this.

Since both babies handle being in the stroller well, I haven't had the need to tandem nurse in public. Thank goodness, since it shows a lot of flesh, and even confident-about-feeding-her-hungry-babies-where-they-need-to-be-fed me isn't keen on that. I do, however, often need to feed babies yet still keep older kids under control, so there have been many times I've sat in parking lots feeding one baby, then the other, while everyone else is strapped in a car seat. I've gotten some smiles from older ladies doing this, although I hope I'm not sending a message that nursing in public is something to be hidden.

Josie and Ozzie will be nine months old on Monday. It's hard to believe that just 53 weeks ago, I didn't even know (for sure) that I was carrying two babies. The shock still hasn't quite worn off.

How to help your child be a civilized person who uses the toilet in many steps

Ike is semi-officially out of diapers. That is to say, we are out of the disposables we've been using for him overnight, so he has to be out of diapers out of necessity. Out of the past week and a half or so, he's wet the bed once overnight, and that's it, including having two nights with his grandparents. I declare this a success. *throws confetti*

Now that I have TWO children out of diapers, I can share my method for potty training. (You can call it "potty learning" if you like; I will only judge you a bit for this.)

My method for two children has been as follows:

• Introduce the potty early. Get excited when s/he gets excited about using the potty at such an early age. Predict that child will be out of diapers before 2.
• Get tired of cleaning up accidents. Keep child in diapers and bemoan how s/he will never, ever learn how to use the potty like a civilized human being. Occasionally make effort to take off diaper for child to use the potty and savor the glimmers of hope. Self-flagellate re: what a terrible, lazy parent you are for not trying very hard at all.
• Get determined that It Is Time To Use The Potty. Spend days pushing the issue and making a big deal out of things. End up cleaning up a lot of pee and/or poop. Persevere.
• Give up again. Once again bemoan lack of civilized behavior. Ditto, lack of drive and determination.
• Notice the diaper is staying dry. Say to self, "Hm." Start to leave off diaper, without making a big deal out of things. Notice that pees and/or poops are ending up in the potty more likely than not. 
• Try underwear after a couple of days of the above. Be dismayed that it doesn't work. Try being bottomless again.
• Suddenly, notice that underwear is coming down BEFORE potties are sat upon. Maybe do some clapping, because parents clap when children pee/poop in designated out-of-diaper areas (it's in our contracts).
• After much of this, attempt zero diapers outside of the house. Rejoice in successes. When success is not achieved, remind self that most people are out of diapers by the time they get to college.
• Eventually, forget to put on a diaper overnight. When diaper is dry in the morning, try another night. Continue until you're unsure when you last put on a diaper at night. 
• Do a little dance, but don't get too cocky, and possibly make signs against the evil eye, depending upon your superstition level, as you do not want to wake up to anyone covered in poop. 

Now, teaching kids to use the "big potty," as we call it, is another story. Nora took to it easily. Ike is reluctant and, as a result, I end up settling down to nurse two babies right as he's taking a big dump in the living room (the usual location of the "little potty"). Ah, parenthood.

The logistics of twins: Part I—Breastfeeding at home

I'll be sharing some of the logistical problems and solutions we've had with twins. I'll be speaking solely from my own experience, without trying to touch on all of the many options available. Please feel free to chime in with your own experiences. This may or may not be a continuing series, so I'm starting with my pet topic.

The challenge of feeding babies like any common mammal

The babies had several advantages when it came to the Battle of the Boob:

1. I've successfully breastfed, without needing to use fancy equipment or formula, two other (singleton) babies.
2. They were born full-term, at good weights, and did not need any sort of interventions (which was achieved partly by believing that twin pregnancy is not high-risk until something actually goes wrong). 
3. Bottlefeeding for reasons other than absolute need is not an option for me.
4. I know  lot about breastfeeding and normal newborn behavior.

I see many of the challenges of breastfeeding twins to be the same as breastfeeding single babies. Those things are mainly having the right support (people experienced with and good at lactation support, as well as support with day-to-day tasks or in-the-moment needs) at the right time and understanding what a normal newborn acts like. The difference with twins is that you're more likely to have to deal with difficult circumstances due to early delivery—babies in NICU, having to pump, underdeveloped suck reflex, etc.—and that you have two babies to contend with. 

Having two babies means that you're dealing with two individual beings. No two babies are exactly alike, even if their genetic makeup is. They will have different personalities; if you're lucky, they'll be personalities that work well with each other and you. Josie seems to be the more dynamic of the two of my babies; she has very definite opinions about things. Ozzie is a bit more laid-back and willing to adapt to what Josie needs.

The early days

Especially in the early days (as of writing this, the babies are almost 14 weeks old), we tandem nursed. I would put both of them on the My Brest Friend Twins Plus pillow and they'd nurse, and sleep, and nurse again. Diapers would get changed on both babies when one would need one, which happened after a dirty diaper or roughly every two hours during the day, and during wakeups at night until they were done having dirty diapers at night, after which time they were outfitted with an enormous, fat, super-absorbent diaper that usually stays on all night. Mostly, I sat on the couch (or bed) and fed babies.

Now, this isn't fun, especially if you have older kids, but after giving birth, a body needs to heal. A woman's two jobs after giving birth are to allow herself to heal and to feed her babies. A baby's job is to eat, poop, and sleep. Other people can take care of running a household. We are blessed with a great community that provided us with meals (using Food Tidings) for six weeks after the babies were born. For me, a person who likes to do things, this lying-in period is sort of like psychological torture, but letting go of the idea that I needed to do things helped immensely. (Even now, I have to stop to remind myself that I do not need to do some things. Almost everything can wait. This is why I have three raised beds full of weeds right now. But, oh, what a splendid weed harvest it will be!

That reminds me of another thing that is important in the early weeks of breastfeeding (and mothering/parenting in general): Telling moms that, yes, it really sucks. You will feel drained and tired and it will be hard. It being hard does not mean you're doing it wrong. And, furthermore, it is okay to think that it sucks and to even say so out loud.

Pumping

Some will insist that you will need to pump in order to have a large enough milk supply. Some will say that sort of thing even if you have just one baby to contend with. But the fact is, unless one or both babies is unable to latch and transfer milk properly (and assuming all of your systems are go), all you need to do in order to have enough milk is to breastfeed on demand. Sometimes the demand is constant (and it's not just about milk, either—here, read this: The Normal Newborn and Why Breastmilk is Not Just Food). 

My advice is to avoid technology until there are problems and, even then, use technology as a second line of defense, not the first. Most breastfeeding problems—assuming they are actual problems, and not just perceived problems—can be fixed by low-tech means alone. Pumps are best used for establishing/keeping milk supply when a baby cannot latch or transfer milk properly or for collecting milk while a mother is away from her baby or needs milk for when she will be away. Pumps are not as efficient as a baby at removing milk; having a baby do the work makes more sense than having a pump do it, especially since adding time to pump and all of the time spent cleaning pump parts will add a significant amount of stress to an already stressful time.

I have a Bailey Medical Nurture III breast pump, which I shall review in detail at some point. I pump while I am away at work and occasionally on mornings/evenings/whenever if I need additional milk. I tend to pump exactly what I "should"; that is, I'll get about 1 ounce per hour that I've not nursed. My left breast consistently produces about double what my right does.

Basic logistics: How we sleep and how we tandem feed

As far as sleeping arrangements go, we have two queen-sized beds on box springs on the floor, which takes up roughly one-half of our bedroom and extends nearly from one wall to the other. The softer mattress, the one we have had for years, is where my husband primarily sleeps (occasionally, a big kid will climb into bed next to him). The firmer mattress is where the babies sleep; for now, they sleep swaddled (using fancy swaddling blankets, since neither of us are good at swaddling) and right next to each other in the middle of this bed. When I tandem feed in bed, I am using a nursing pillow and sitting on the mattress, with my back to the wall; when a baby falls asleep, I can move him/her to the mattress, and if one needs some additional nursing, we can do this side-lying. I sneak away after they fall asleep, and they will sleep for quite a long time (usually five hours, but up to EIGHT—I know, I hate me too!). These days, I often crawl into the softer mattress to go to sleep, and move next to whichever baby needs me as needed at night.

Want to know one of the most challenging things about twins? It's where the heck you put them all. When they were very tiny, I could put them on the couch, parallel to its length, and lift one and then the other onto my nursing pillow. Handy tip: While it is possible to bend over slightly and pick a baby up from a bouncy chair, you can only do that when you have ONE baby unless you are feeling very lucky with balancing babies on your pillow or shoulder. I don't recommend it. Use a middleman, such as the couch or another adult's arms.

Right now, they are too large and too wiggly to lie on the couch together without extreme vigilance. Ozzie can be placed on the couch without much worry, but Josie manages to roll and kick herself into awkward and potentially dangerous situations. My standard approach is to put one, usually Ozzie, on the couch, strap on my nursing pillow, and pick up the other from the playpen or bouncy chair. We settle in, and then I pick up whomever is hanging out on the couch.

Insert specific bulleted lists

Here are some specific bulleted lists about what's gone down at specific times. Any breastfeeding relationship is going to change over time; that's one good reason to stick things out when the going gets tough, because it will change, for better or for worse (but probably better) given enough time.

First eight weeks

• Almost always tandem feeding using a large support pillow, nearly constantly during the day, with naps for the babies happening on my chest.
• Babies would sleep on husband/other adults who were around when I needed a break; occasionally, they napped on their own during the day.
• Babies got a lot of food dropped on their heads. 
• A bedtime routine was established fairly early: Babies diapered, swaddled, nursed on the pillow, and moved to the bed when asleep. 
• When babies woke at night, the husband would change diapers and provide a freshly swaddled baby to me; I would then tandem nurse them, since they usually both woke up during this period.
• For about the first two weeks, my nipples were very sore, and I'd cry with a lot of feeds. I had two babies learning to nurse, not just one, and lots of bad latching happened. The soreness miraculously went away with religious application of Motherlove Nipple Cream over a period of a couple of days.

Eight weeks to twelve weeks

• Maternity leave ended at eight weeks, so things changed a bit; babies began to receive bottles when I was at my part-time job.
• When I was around, still almost always tandem feeding, though when one baby would be content to sit in a bouncy chair (rarely), I took the opportunity to have one-on-one snuggly feeding time with the other.
• The bedtime routine looks similar, though babies no longer wake up at the same time at night as much. On the rare times that happened, tandem feeding happened. On those times I couldn't deal with more tandem feeding (because if you do it all day... guess what!... you don't want to do it all night), my husband would rock, snuggle, shush, or attempt to shove a binky into the mouth of the other. (Neither of them likes pacifiers. *sigh*)

Twelve weeks to now

• Babies are getting a bit more willing to be set down; they've even had a small amount of tummy time (Josie can ROLL already!), so I do much less tandem feeding, because even if I want to sit and nurse babies all day because it's a little bit easier, I have to at least attempt to keep house occasionally. 
• Babies are starting to want to take actual naps. Josie wants these more than Ozzie and will put up quite a fuss if she decides it's naptime, and this fuss can only be fixed by putting her down for a nap. 
• It often happens at night that one baby, usually Ozzie, will be content to be swaddled and simply wait to be fed. I can stroke his/her head (which I think I established as a sleepy cue because I like to sit and stroke their sweet little baby heads as they nurse together) to settle him/her while I'm feeding the other, then flop over to feed that baby. Sometimes I need to go back and forth for a little while before both are settled.

I still feel like I'm nursing a baby almost constantly. The times where both are happy to be on their own are few and far between. I relish them. While tandem nursing is getting more difficult because the pillow seems to be shrinking, I still think it makes a lot more sense than trying to feed them one at a time all of the time, as some people do. By the time you've nursed one baby, then the other, you've got to do it all over again. 

So far the journey has been more enjoyable than not. Seeing sweet little faces smiling sweet little smiles makes up for a whole lot. That said, I'm looking forward to seeing how things change and eagerly awaiting the six-month mark, where I hope the introduction of solid foods means I'm in a bit less constant demand.

FAQ (yes, just the one)

Q: So, do you assign a boob to them for the day, or what?

A: No. They tend to get the same boob at night, since they stay in place and I flip back and forth on either side of them, but during the day I try to switch breasts for each feed. Usually they are content to take only one breast per feed, too, but sometimes one (usually  Josie) will want to switch, so we do. 

Tonight's episode of "I just don't get it, man": Showers, poop, and why I am mom enough

It seems to be the popular meme these days that parents don't get to eliminate waste by themselves or take showers. Really? No, really.

I'm on my third/fourth babies. Aside from the times where I cannot take a tantrum about something so silly (okay, so, a tiny baby might think I have disappeared off the face of the Earth, but I'm pretty sure my three year old understands I still exist, since he's capable of pounding on the door once I've closed it) as being separated from one's mother while she drops trou, I was and am capable of shoving a small person out the bathroom and locking the door so that I can take a dump. For those people who won't put a screaming baby down long enough to poop, I say, "Really? So you can hold it until they're happy and not following you into the bathroom? When is that, when they're in grade school? Enjoy your constipation!"

I might sound like a Kellogg brother, but I think regular poops are a foundation of health. It's just not healthy to force your body to hang onto waste products because you'd rather not let your baby yell for five minutes in a bouncy chair. If it makes you feel better, you could put the bouncy chair in the bathroom with you (though Ina May will tell you that if you're tense, your sphincter isn't going to relax, so maybe you should opt for earplugs instead).

And showers! I love showers. Showers transform me from an unwashed, stinky beast to a glowingly clean human being. Showers separate us from our ape ancestors. I bet if apes got showers on a regular basis, they'd so be using forks instead of sticks to eat their termites. Not everyone prioritizes showers the way I do, but since they keep coming up in discussion, I imagine that the general consensus is that showering occasionally is a nice thing. So why are people (by which I mean mothers) going days or weeks without showering when they have an infant? If we were in such a daze we forgot to shower, we probably wouldn't remember with such vividness, years later, that we did not get to shower often. Showers apparently mean something, in and of themselves or as a metaphor.

I imagine that most mothers are not alone with their children 24/7. I will even go so far as to say that they probably have another adult in the house at least half of a 24-hour period. What is preventing you from handing someone else your baby and jumping in the freaking shower? I can't imagine that I'm the only person who feels that getting clean is a restorative experience, and knowing just how restorative that is for me—truly, I am a better mother if I take a few minutes to wash my hair. It's probably worth it to set your baby(ies) down, even if (s)he (they) is (are)* unhappy, if you experience even a fraction of a degree of sanity from it.

Maybe it is simply a badge of honor. One receives the Purple HeartButt for bravery in combatmotherhood if one holds in ones poo rather than allowing Junior to cry outside of loving arms while you pinch off a loaf. There is a special place in heaven, no doubt with endless showers and chocolate (maybe not in that order, since if you swim in a vat of chocolate pudding you'll want a shower after), for those mothers who sacrificed bathing rather than force Lil' Susie to be held by the hairy, smelly one who does not have milky boobs (aka "Daddy"). "I AM MOM ENOUGH because I sacrifice even my personal hygiene at the altar of my baby."

Yeah, we know you're mom enough. We can smell you all the way across the room.

*They never tell you how complicated writing in a general manner becomes once you have twins. You suddenly become aware of the subtle pro-singleton slant** on everything and feel compelled to fight against it. They need to put this in the books.

**Reading the Kellymom.com Facebook page today: There's a question about how you take care of your big kids when you have a baby. Cue lots of comments about babywearing. That's great. IF YOU HAVE ONE BABY. TWO AND YOU'RE SCREWED.

Five things I know about babies

1. They can smell fear.

Babies, like horses, can sense when their keepers are afraid of them (and other things, such as blankets coming alive and sneaking across the floor to smother your baby). With your firstborn, everything is a new experience, and everything is fraught with potential danger. You make yourself crazy, and you probably make your baby crazy, too. When the second one comes and he is an "easy" baby, you may be tempted to believe that he is a gift for surviving the first baby, but it's probably more likely that you're a bit more chilled out about things. 

2. They know when they do not have your full attention.

Have you ever been nursing or rocking a baby with your mind overflowing with all of the things you are going to do as soon as you get.this.darn.baby.to.finally.go.to.sleep? Have you noticed that on these nights, bedtime takes even longer? My theory is that they have to receive X amount of attention before sleep can be achieved, and the best and easiest way to reach this mark is to focus on the baby at hand. Do not allow yourself to be distracted by how you're going to eat a piece of cake while standing in front of the fridge and then will be pouring yourself a glass of wine and finishing the movie you keep falling asleep through. Focus on that baby. Send him happy thoughts and all your attention. You'll get out of there faster. 

3. Two words: Murphy's Law.

Murphy's Law as it applies to babies goes something like: If you forgot to pack an extra outfit, your baby will produce a giant, outfit-ruining poop. See also: If you burp a baby without a burp cloth handy, you'll be spewed upon (conversely, if you do use a burp cloth, there will be no spit-up). This especially applies when you are wearing clothes that are appropriate for wearing out of the house.

4. They have impeccable timing.

They will stop screaming in their car seats right before you reach your destination. They will take a long, blissful naps on the days you have to be somewhere at a certain time. When you tell another person (out loud or in writing) that your baby has been sleeping for an hour and OHMYGOSH how awesome is this?... your baby will wake up. (Tip: If one of these epic naps happens and you need to get to that birthday party, proclaim loudly and often that your baby is taking a long, blissful nap.) And, of course, they know when, ahem,  adult activities are happening and interrupt accordingly. 

5. It is hard to be a baby (and it eventually gets to be less hard).

Oh, when babies are tiny, they want you to know: THIS IS THE MOST MISERABLE I HAVE EVER BEEN. MY LIFE IS HORRIBLE. Because, you're, say, doing them a favor and changing their dirty diaper. Sometimes they get mad at boobs: The milk is coming too fast, the milk is coming too slow, the nipple looked at me funny, Mercury is retrograde, I have to burp, I am tired, I am NOT tired, it is growth spurt time, I like to hear myself cry. The vast majority of the time, the answer to "Why is my baby crying?" is "Because it is hard to be a baby." It has nothing to do with you (or your milk). Don't take it personally, or try not to, anyway. It'll pass. Tomorrow you may not have to deal with a baby shrieking while you're trying to feed her because the growth spurt will have passed. A couple of months from now you'll stop and notice (not out loud; see #4) that no one has cried for half of a day. And then you'll probably cry because your baby is all grown up and practically in college.

How the Veggies happened

Radish is planted

The story of Radish and Broccoli (later to be known as Josie and Ozzie) begins with round ligament pain. "Funny," I said to myself as I rolled out of bed and felt those familiar twinges, "That only happens when... Oh shi-." The cabinet had a pregnancy test. I took said pregnancy test and confirmed my suspicions; I was with child. I woke my husband up and we alternated giggles with swear words and kisses.

Getting pregnant was not in our plans at the time, and it took me a little while to get used to the idea of welcoming a third baby into our family. One of the immediate repercussions of pregnancy was that I weaned Ike; he was two years old and, having nursed Nora through my pregnancy with her brother, I was not about to go through that again. Since he was basically only nursing down to sleep, and not daily, at that, this transition was easy.

I was tired through the first trimester, as I normally am, and started feeling movement pretty early - around 11 weeks. Through our early prenatal appointments, with the same midwife who attended Ike's birth, it was noted that I was measuring a bit ahead and the baby seemed posterior, but that was not unlike my last pregnancy. The "t" word - "twins" - came up in the appointment we had before our scheduled ultrasound, and we talked about what would happen if I did have two babies dwelling in my uterus, but my midwife wasn't making any predictions.

After much consideration of in-utero names, we decided upon "Radish," for no other reason than it amused Matthew and I. At one point we took a prophetic photo at the Minnesota Children's Museum of my belly in front of radishes planted in Mr. McGregor's garden: TWO radishes, not just one.

Radishes

We ended up not having an ultrasound when I was pregnant with Ike mostly because there was nowhere to make that happen if we were outside of "the system." This time, though, we were able to go to an independent imaging outfit, and insurance even covered it in whole. We were at about the 25-week mark when we hauled our family in for a look at the baby. Almost immediately upon placing the wand on my belly, the tech said, "Are you aware that you're having twins?" I laughed like a crazy person off and on for the rest of the appointment, and hit a stunned-looking Matthew every once in awhile. The big kids didn't quite get the significance of the discovery, but the adults in the room were pretty excited (and the parents were a bit terrified).

I'm grateful that we live in a state where we don't have to circumvent the law to have a midwife attend a twin birth at home, though we needed to change our plans slightly and hire multiple midwives. My midwife pulled in her mentor (Jeanne), along with one of her apprentices (Amber), and we had a big team assembled for the twins' birth. We continued to have as many prenatal appointments as usual, but some of them took place at the second midwife's home office.

Funnily enough, this pregnancy was quite comfortable for me. My exhaustion, heartburn, hemorrhoids (what, didn't you hear that pregnancy is really, really sexy?), etc. were all not as bad as with my singletons. My blood pressure was awesome throughout the pregnancy, and I admired my lovely, non-swollen feet up until the last few days. The only point of anxiety was how Broccoli (named by Nora) was not as active as Radish and rather shy when we'd try to find his heartbeat, but both things could be explained by his position (breech and posterior) and demeanor (he's a laid-back dude).

"Harvest" nears

Even though my job is not physically taxing, the last few weeks were hard. I ended up working remotely rather than dragging my increasing girth to work on the bus and, by week 34, I took short-term disability leave. I nervously counted down the days until February 22, the "good to go" date for having a homebirth, then rejoiced when week 37 hit. At that point, my body decided to do a little preparation. Little bits of mucous plug (remember: sexy) started making their way out. I'd have regular contractions that weren't too intense but were definitely doing some sort of work, happening 7 to 8 minutes apart for an hour almost every night. All of this early labor kind of stunk, even if I knew it was laying the groundwork for a nice birth. I soldiered on. By which I mean I complained on Facebook a lot, made my husband get me ice cream, and sat with my feet up because moving around required my enormous belly to overcome the pull of gravity and gave me the sensation that babies were going to fall right out of my pelvis.

And when I say "enormous belly," I do mean enormous. My fundal height was "full term" at 28 weeks. I hit 60 cm at my last prenatal appointment, two days before my water broke at 39 weeks gestation.

I still haven't gotten my hamburger

The scene: A ridiculously warm and sunny Saturday afternoon in March. The big kids had just been whisked away to their grandparents' and my husband was pulling down Christmas lights in a timely manner. After spending the morning on the couch, nursing a bad cold, I stood outside in my bare feet, sunning my belly and talking to the babies. Matthew and I decided to get a hamburger, and I was wrestling with whether or not we should do an enormous grocery run and try to cook some food for our freezer. I had this urge! But I was in such pain I doubted I could get groceries! But we were not ready until we had food prepared! I was going to reassess after our late lunch.

Halfway to Culver's, at around 3 p.m., I felt a big "twang" in my belly. We hypothesized that a baby was pulling its umbilical cord tight and strumming it, which cheered Matthew, as we need a bass player for our family band. I said that I wouldn't be surprised if that was my water breaking, but wasn't going to shift around to find out, and we should continue on to our hamburger. A minute later I felt a contraction, which huuuuuurt, and I begged Matthew to turn around the car and head home. We were bad citizens of the road and Matthew called Vanessa and Laura (a friend of mine who was going to observe and take pictures). I sent some texts in between contractions. And I talked about how I still wanted a hamburger (emotional signpost: If you can talk about hamburgers longingly while you are having contractions, it's still early in your labor yet).

When we got home I gingerly got up from the seat of our new van, in hopes of preserving its upholstery and dignity. I succeeded, and the gush hit the ground (and my legs and sandals). I hobbled into the house, stripped off my clothes, asked for water and the necklace put together at my blessingway, and got into the waiting birth tub. Vanessa arrived minutes later, as she was very nearby when we'd called. I asked her if the amniotic fluid was a good color (it was) and told her the hamburger story as I weathered some contractions, which were much gentler in the water.

The other two midwives arrived not much later, but things were already pretty serious. I was hanging on the edge of the tub, in my own birthing world. I ended up finding a break where I could be pleasant and greeted them, and then it was back to work. Laura arrived at some point, but I didn't notice her until she had settled in. I was surrounded by people, but, thankfully, I didn't care, because I also wouldn't have had the wits to put together a coherent request for them to get the heck out. Vanessa occasionally asked if she could listen to the babies with a doppler, and asked if she could pour water on my back. I consented, and didn't actually like the sensation of water being poured on my back, but, at the same time, it seemed to draw contractions out of my body, and since I was already eager to be finished, I was happy to have the help.

I won't lie, being in labor hurts (for most women). It certainly hurts me, and my mental monologue included wishes that I had taken a Hypnobabies course from a friend of mine (Lindsay at Elleos Birth), but since I'm hearing impaired I'm not sure it would have even worked. I thought of her peacefully birthing moms with a bit of envy, though. I wasn't peaceful, but I am happy to report that I swore a lot less this time than I did when Ike was born. I am growing as a person. There was a lot of "This hurts!" "I don't want to do this anymore!" "Why does it have to hurt so much?!" and "OH GOD."

But it is still a beautiful thing to give birth, especially the sort of hands-off birth my midwives gave me. I have no idea what my dilation was at any point, because I wasn't checked. My body plunged into active labor and followed its own blueprint. At some point, I started pushing, though it wasn't really me consciously pushing. At 4:33 p.m., Josie was born into her daddy's hands, possibly with her hand by her face, which would account for how damn much it hurt to get her out of my body. I flipped over so I could sit up, held her as close to me as her short cord would allow, and marveled at how much vernix covered her body and how very fat she was.

It wasn't long after she was born that I felt more contractions, and lamented having to do it all again. Josie was handed off to her father to be cooed over while Vanessa gave me encouragement and shined a flashlight into the pool to keep an eye on things. I was repeating to myself that the second twin is easier, and at some point, I felt the urge to push again. I was a lot calmer while Ozzie made his way out, both feet first, 29 minutes after his sister. And, it was true, the second twin was easier. Ozzie was a bit floppy and not willing to make noise, so the midwives worked on him while he was on my chest and I sat there looking a bit scared. It became evident at some point that he was a-okay and just unwilling to make a squawk (he still takes his time getting mad and does not have the vocal projection that his sister does).

But then, it was placentas time. I dislike pushing out placentas. I disliked this part even more than pushing out babies, and that might have shown in how long it took me - 1 1/2 hours after the birth of each baby for the associated placenta. The contractions were uncomfortable and weird; it felt like my entire torso, with this floppy, awkward uterus, was involved. I was scared to push still more out of me. Eventually, Josie's arrived, and Vanessa suggested I get up out of the tub. She and Jeanne supported me as I gradually made my way out; my legs were very weak. Once out, they held onto me and directed me to the plastic-and-chux-pad-covered futon nearby. I fainted on-route, which was pretty cool, and after getting settled and being fed a spoonful of honey followed by shepherd's purse tea and finally getting little Josie on the breast (she took it eagerly and expertly), I felt crampy and Ozzie's placenta slipped out after a few gentle pushes.

And then, I was done, at about 6:30 p.m. It passed in a wink. I had one little tear, and two huge babies: Josie was 9 pounds, 2 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long; Ozzie was 8 pounds, 14 ounces and 21 1/4 inches long.

I didn't cough once while in labor, but it picked back up afterward. Coughing with no abdominal muscles while holding onto two just-born babies is not fun.

13 days later

I am typing this covered in babies. Thanks to a giant My Brest Friend Twins Plus pillow, I can plop two babies on my chest, prop up a netbook and my elbows, and type away.

Recovering from having twins was harder than I expected, though why I expected it to be easy I cannot tell you. It took several days before I could walk around without feeling as if my lungs were being crushed by my ribs, which were moving back into place. My pelvis is just now beginning to feel intact and somewhat more stable (i.e., I can move my legs apart without it seeming like my pelvis is splitting in half). My legs are getting stronger; apparently hauling around a huge stomach does not keep your muscles in shape like proper exercise might do. My nipples feel lovely, thankyouverymuch, after about a week of toe-curling soreness from so much use by two babies who are learning to nurse (and their mom who is learning to juggle them).

Awesomer babies could not have been asked for. They usually sleep and nurse at the same time (so far). They eat well, and are growing fat. Their older siblings love them, with Ike delivering kisses on a regular basis along with dangerous levels of toddler enthusiasm ("Do not crush the babies" is said often). I have not gone bonkers caring for two babies yet, but credit for that goes to my husband and the wonderful helpers we have had, who have fed us, cleaned up accumulating messes, held babies at times, and entertained the big kids.

Let this story be put out there as another voice of hope for twin moms out there who don't wish to be treated as high-risk simply because of the number of babies they're carrying and who may desire to give birth in a way different from what doctors have decided is best. Here's one more story about twins being carried to term, choosing their own birthday, being born vaginally even with one twin breech (and at home, even!), without a hospital stay away from their parents, and successfully breastfeeding.